Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.
Aristotle
What was Aristotle thinking! To even propose having happiness as the purpose of life itself is to invite a barrage of criticism from the Miss Grundy’s of the world. “There you go thinking of yourself again. How selfish! There are starving people in Somalia. Where’s the happiness for them?” Etc. So to talk about being happy requires one to approach the subject carefully, like walking gently on egg shells.
I’m not an eggshell type of guy however. Let’s start by using a sledgehammer. I think that the problem isn’t with happiness at all. I think the problem is with us, and the problem is that we are children in adult bodies going through life thinking we’re adults.
This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognised by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
Man and Superman, George Bernard Shaw
I think that Shaw has captured the essence of the difference between an adult and a child in this famous quote. “Force of nature” versus “feverish selfish little clod”. Think of a three year old, on his back in the living room stomping his feet, eyes scrunched tight, fists clenched screaming “ME ME ME ME ME ME ME…” over and over until he gets whatever the happiness maker of the moment is, maybe a lolly or someone else’s toy. Happiness is now, now, now, me, me, me. Others do not exist. Happiness is pure emotion. Three year olds are meant to be feverish selfish little clods, but it wears a bit thin when the same techniques, polished up a bit and for bigger toys, are practiced by someone who’s middle-aged.
How often do you find yourself acting like that? Having to get your way whether it’s going to a movie that you want over what the others want or having that dish of ice cream just before bed even though you told your wife you were on a diet.
What’s the fundamental distinction of a child? He needs his mommy and daddy. He is dependent on someone big and strong because he’s small and weak. How many of our adult concerns are child-like in this way? I think that our entire relationship of citizen to government is one of looking for someone to look out for us, to provide us with assurance that it’s all going to be all right. How many of us go into our jobs looking for the management to watch out for us – sick pay, paternity leave, medical benefits? How many of us get jobs just to make a living rather than, as Shaw put it, being a force of nature? Force of nature! What the hell is that?
Another trait of a child is to tell lies and to avoid responsibility for his actions. The trait that makes that child a man is called integrity, accepting responsibility rather than lying about things that went wrong.
A child thinks only of the moment, an adult looks at the big picture. An adult is self-directed, a child looks to grownups for direction.
An adult knows how to think rationally and thoroughly. A child feels things and hasn’t much capacity for reason.
An adult can be counted on, a child is dependent upon others.
A child looks to happiness through the eyes and experiences of a child. An adult looks to happiness as a direction, a moral compass. An adult still loves the experience of emotional happiness, but can act and thrive in the face of setbacks and disappointments.
Ultimately an adult strives to become a force of nature, being used by a mighty purpose. Each of us must find our personal purpose, as mighty as possible and then use that purpose to become a force of nature.
This idea was missing from my education. I had no idea of what it might mean to be an adult other than I would get a job and not live with my parents any more. The closest I ever came to purposeful guidance during my “education” was having a ten or fifteen minute chat with a counselor in grade twelve. We talked about what I might want to do after high school and concluded that university would be a good idea. Well it was, if going to university was intended to make me a better snooker, table tennis and contract bridge player. I was one of those children in an adult’s body who spent most of his time in the Students Union Building games room. But transitioning into an adult happened later when I began work at IBM.
I’ve studied happiness, purpose, philosophy, social systems, political systems, business, economics, relationships and so much of what it is to be human for over fifty years. I’ve concluded that when it comes to educating our children we have come up dreadfully short. We were not taught how to think and we were not taught how to discover a purpose. We woke up one day and found that we were old enough to vote and drink and began calling ourselves adult.
A big part of the purpose for me in creating this blog is to bring an awareness to the world that perhaps we are all mostly children living lives in adult bodies and are ignorant of our childish status. Looking back at Aristotle’s famous quote, perhaps he was being ironic, as he looked around him and saw all the children thinking they were adults. Or perhaps he was profoundly realizing that happiness is something to be created moment by moment, being a force of nature, pursuing actions that are purposeful in our lives. In a previous post, I’ve invited you to Declare Your Independence. I’m thinking that it’s better to first declare our childhood’s end. Now that would be a true paradigm shift. Easier said than done, I know, and I’ll be looking at that future posts.
A World of Honour 